From the moment I was wheeled in for an emergency c section exactly one year ago today I knew I was in for a roller coaster ride of emotions and physicality. Max’s first year on this earth has been the biggest learning experience. Before Max I had no idea how to change a nappy, make up a bottle, how excruciatingly painful breastfeeding was, how living off zero sleep turned me into a crazy woman, the list goes on. Every stage of Max’s first year has been a complete world wind from his first true smile to him saying ‘mumma’ and ‘dadda’ for the very first time, the copious amounts of poo explosions again the list goes on. I cannot explain in words how much this little boy has changed our lives for the better. From a selfish girl who’s life goal was to have this seasons mulberry handbag into a selfless woman who only exists to teach and show her child the right path in life.
Looking back I wish I had savoured his newborn first few months. Completely fatigued I dreamt of my little baby crawling, walking and playing with his toys sitting up. I never relished his squishy face, the amount of sleepless nights, the constant feeds, how much he slept during the day or how small and helpless he was. I suppose as a first time mummy you dream of a full nights sleep, less feeds and for your baby to give something back to you. Whilst writing this now I can feel myself tearing up. I just wish I had been in the moment a little bit more and listened to people when they annoyingly said ‘he won’t be this small forever’ ‘they grow so quickly’ and ‘don’t wish his life away’ damn you people, you’re always right!
Max at one year of age is now a crawling machine, he understands what I’m saying when I talk to him, he points to birdies and cuddles me, his favourite film is Tangled, he has a wardrobe his daddy dreams of, he laughs at the silliest of things and most importantly is turning into the happiest little boy. Where exactly did my baby go?
My hopes and dreams for Max is he stays a happy boy, he always smiles and he takes every opportunity that comes his way. I cannot believe in the next year he’ll be walking, stringing sentences together, saying hello and goodbye, going on his first summer holiday and possibly starting nursery a few afternoons a week. He may even have a little brother and sister to play with, who knows!
I never truly understood what love was until Max came along. I never truly understood how grateful I am for my own mother until Max came along. I never truly understood how much I love his father since Max came along, seeing them both together makes my heart burst with love and gratitude for how lucky I am to be blessed with such a gorgeous family. What I do know and what I’ve know from the moment I fell pregnant, I’m happy and grateful I have Max in my life because without him I wouldn’t feel so fulfilled and excited for each new day.
Maxi when you’re able to read this I want to let you know I’m SO proud of you and I love you to the moon and back. Happy first birthday my darling, let’s make year number two the best one yet!