Why is this so hard?

Everyday on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook and in general day to day life I see these incredible mums who have tidy houses, children in clean clothes, healthy meals on the table and I’m here running around like a headless chicken trying to get my 2.5 year old to eat a piece of broccoli whilst the screaming baby (who’s been in her jumperoo for the last 20 minutes) screams wanting to be held. I never imagined how hard this whole mother of two children would be. I mean I see mums of two everyday and they look happy, like they’ve got their shit under control, some of them even have two or more kids! WTF! Why? How? I spend my waken hours sipping cold tea and coffee (if I even get a chance to make it) a toddler who wants mummy to play with him, a baby who constantly wants feeding, then there’s nappy changes, weaning, a house that needs tidying, laundry baskets that are constantly always over flowing, a dryer full of clothes that need putting away, a washing machine with wet clothes that need to be put in the dryer but will stay there for a couple of days before needing to be re washed again, an empty fridge because I never have time keep putting off doing the food shop. Bloody hate the food shop! Sometimes I wonder if I put too much pressure on myself to be perfect that it all falls apart because I’m not dedicating myself to anything I’m just half heartedly completely day to day tasks. All I want is the perfect balance. Why is this so hard?
 I’ve heard it gets easier as the second baby gets older and can join in on activities with the older child but to be honest I’m dreading it. I can already see how different both my children are. Max is boisterous and wants to rough play whilst reenacting Spider-Man scenes he’s seen off YouTube. Emmie is a gentle little soul with wants to sit on her own and play and hates it when Max interferes. They may love and adore each other but boy their already having arguments and upsets that cause all hell to break loose. I feel like I’m constantly saying ‘Max leave your sister alone’ ‘Play nicely you two’ ‘Can we share our toys please’ it’s draining and just not fun. 
I feel like this is such a negative post but sometimes you just have to let it all out. I love my children more than anything in the world it’s just hard sometimes to really understand what it is you’re meant to be doing. Shall I lay on the floor and play cars with Max whilst the housework builds up. Shall I feed Emmie to sleep for 45 minutes whilst Max is on his own and needing me too. I really do hope this gets easier. I want to enjoy both my children but it’s difficult when their both at different developmental milestones and their needs and wants are so far apart. If I could split myself in two I would. I don’t want you to think I’m not grateful for my children because I am, I feel like the luckiest girl in the world, I have everything I’ve ever wanted. A roof over our heads, two healthy children, Freddie who’s an amazing dad and fiancé. It’s just tough at the moment especially in the sleep deprived state I’m in, I honestly cannot remember the last time I had a full nights sleep, if ever since Emmie was born. In a few days, weeks, months, years when I look back on this post I’m hoping I’ll think to myself it does get better, it does get easier and it’s okay not to be perfect. I hope I would have found the perfect balance even if sometimes it did mean the housework had to suffer or feeding the kids chicken nuggets and chips more than I’d like to. I think every stage of motherhood has it’s ups and downs and I just hope there’s an UP coming my way very soon.
And breathe…
How did you find the transition from one to two children 6 months in?
x
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2 comments so far.

2 responses to “Why is this so hard?”

  1. Seena Patel says:

    I am so glad you wrote this Romeca and I AM SO glad my random googling at night led me to your blog! I’m 9 months in to the two children stage (daughter is nearly 3 and son is 9 months), and I had more often than not thought I was the only one finding it so hard at times! Your blog really hit the nail on the head and I felt so much better just knowing that someone else had the balls to write how it really is, despite what all the glossy pictures tell us. I absolutely adore my two and it’s definitely getting easier now that I’ve stopped BF, but boy there are some hard moments and I do catch myself thinking “what am I doing wrong”?! Thank you for sharing and your complete honesty xxx

    • Romeca says:

      I’m so happy this blog post has helped another mummy. It’s incredibly different and so lonely at times. I have to say now Emmie is 15 months old and Max is 3.5 years it’s getting easier. So it will for you too! They actually play together! If you ever need someone to talk, moan, cry too I’m all ears 🙂 xxx

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